


Keep breathing, Kenma

by seanpurrs



Series: Keep Breathing [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anilingus, Bokuroo bffs, Depression, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Character Death, Past and Present, Sexual Content, Slow Build, diary form, more tags as the story progresses, possible eating disorder trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-21
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-03-08 12:50:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3209795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seanpurrs/pseuds/seanpurrs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Keep breathing, Kenma' or 'Keep circulating oxygen so the brain functions normally'.<br/> </p><p>''If I look at the statistics, chances are that you, my dear reader, have never walked around all day with a vibrating dildo up your ass. Neither had I, until today.''</p><p>The story of my favourite nerds, Kenma and Kuroo, and how Kenma's admiration and childish crush turned into more, way more than he could have imagined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Hello this is my first Haikyuu!! fic. I hope I can keep this up!

Hi, my name is Kozume Kenma but please call me Kenma. I’m 19 years old and I am currently at work, with about half an hour to go until my shift ends. I work at the neighbourhood pet shop slash veterinarian. It’s something I started doing during high school and I found out I really like working with animals; more than with people at least. Kuroo also says that it’s good for me to do something that doesn't have anything to do with computers or my phone or PlayStation or just screens in general really. I don’t want to worry him too much, and since I actually enjoy doing this I’m glad that it is something he approves of.  
I’m currently in my first year at college, nearing the second semester. I study computer sciences but with a minor in biology- ethology to be more specific. Might be a bit uncommon but I enjoy it a lot. Okay, that’s not completely true. It’s okay, really, but it’s not really a challenge. Not like volleyball or going to a protest march for animal rights or _Kuro_. Tetsurõ Kuroo, 20 years old, my old captain of the volleyball team and my crush for many years. 

How should I describe Kuroo. He’s tall, that’s for sure. He’s around 1.95m I think? Maybe a little bit shorter. Not too much shorter. Maybe if I was standing on my tiptoes I could reach his lips… with my lips… if he bowed down. Who am I kidding. He’s a giant in comparison with me, like, I’m pretty sure that if I had not known him as long as I have, he would actually not see me.  
 _Fortunately,_ I have the bittersweet _pleasure_ of ‘’knowing’’ Tetsurõ Kuroo. But yeah Kuroo is super tall, while I myself am barely 1.72m, which, unsurprisingly, is something he can’t stop pointing out. Or well it isn't as much pointing, more like just standing next to me and bumping his shoulder against my head. Or, in the more rarer (and nicer) cases, leaning his chin on my head. Frustratingly enough, those moments didn't happen as often as I would like them to. They happened whenever I needed them the most, surely, but only then really. Only whenever I was feeling awful. That wasn't often, is the conclusion you might have drawn. Usually I don’t really feel anything. Sure, there are bursts of emotions, like spikes (haha), but everything between those bursts is like a gray line of nothingness. 

Right, back to happier stuff. I've had a crush on my childhood friend ever since -cliche- he saved me from something. It was boredom he saved me from, and he did so by inviting me to come over to his garden and play some volleyball with him. My parents, who had already met his, said it was okay, and I think they were happy with the chances of me getting a friend. I was a lonely child before then, spending my time with books or toys. I think I was around 7 when Kuroo asked me to play with him. We moved to that place about a month before that, and Kuroo had heard from his parents that I lived there. Then one day he found me outside of our garden, looking at some ladybugs on a nearby bush near the playground behind our houses. He had just turned 8 and tapped me on my back with a smile on his lips. He asked me if I was the kid living down the street from him, to which I didn't really want to reply. More like I didn't look at him and I was thinking about running home but I think he saw me staring so he just plopped down and smiled at me. I know he smiled because I looked at him then, wondering why he sat down. He asked what I was doing near the bushes, if I was playing hide and seek, if he should pretend he hadn't seen me. I muttered something about the bugs, which led to him asking more questions, some of which I answered, some of which I ignored. Yet he didn't leave me. He sat there, looking at me, smiling. He asked if I wanted to come over and play volleyball with him, to which I replied that I didn't know what that was or how to play it. He said he'd teach me. He walked with me when I went to my mother to ask if it was alright, introduced himself to her quite politely for an 8 year old, and then took my hand and let me to his backyard, where he introduced me to volleyball.


	2. Past I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah I found out that last time I had misread the number of characters for the number of words. Which was about a 3300 word difference. This time I /did/ count it right, and I'm pretty happy with it!  
> Also holy shit more than 300 hits for a little over 700 words? That disgustingly amazing and I'm so, so happy!

People who don't play sports might underestimate the time one has to devote before you notice any difference in your proficiency. I remember a lot of hours practicing with Kuroo in either his or my backyard, or even in the park behind our houses, in case we wanted to play with other kids. That was't too often to be honest, because I still had (and have) trouble interacting with people I don’t really know, and after getting to know Kuroo, I didn't really want to go through the whole process of befriending and opening up to someone again. Because of my experiences at school with my classmates I knew that Kuroo was incredibly thoughtful, patient and kind towards me, and that I didn't have to expect those things from the other kids in the neighbourhood. So when we did play with them, I’d always play with Kuroo on my team. 

I took a liking to the position of setter, which I admit was partly because Kuroo said I’d make a good setter but also because I quickly understood how important the role of setter was. I don’t mean to say that I wanted to play the most important role, it’s more that I had found something that posed a challenge for my brain. The process of setting a ball was much more than just throwing a ball up: I had to analyze the opponents, analyze my teammates, calculate the path of the ball both being thrown to me and where I had to send it to... It was a challenge and I loved it. 

School, at the same time, was less of a challenge. I had no trouble keeping up with the rest of the class. I was in fact way ahead of everyone, but I tried to keep that from showing, to make sure I didn't become more of an outcast than I already was. I didn't really mind, but it was something Kuroo said I should keep in mind. It never hurt to at least keep semi-friendly ties with classmates. I think my teachers expected that I was ahead, because it became more and more usual for them to give me some extra work after class, which I did without trouble- I’d hand it in the next lecture without failure. Sometimes I’d help Kuroo with his homework because even though he was a year above me, the work wasn't that hard. My parents were well aware of how well school went, and I’m pretty sure they also knew that I didn't have that many friends. I personally didn't mind, I had Kuroo, and I’m sure they were happy enough with that.  
I’d later learn that both my teachers and my parents were aware of my relationship with Kuroo, since he was the only person I’d ever spent time with. We’d have lunch together, and walk home together, and then we’d play volleyball or video games or I’d help him with his homework. Sometimes we’d even do a little shopping, items that one of our parents initially forgot to get- my mother insisted that we’d look both ways before crossing any streets, even though we only really had to cross one small road to get to the small neighbourhood shop. Kuroo would hold my hand all the way until the shop, and he insisted on carrying whatever we had to get- usually a carton of milk, or some vegetables or eggs.

This went on for quite a while. I turned 8 and celebrated my birthday with my parents and with Kuroo. Kuroo turned 9 and had a party with some of his friends from school, and then celebrated it again with family- and with me. It was almost as if we were brothers with two sets of parents, I looked up to Kuroo like you’d look up to an older brother, yet at the same time I’d help him with his arithmetic and science. He started helping me more and more with volleyball, showing me high school games and making me analyze them. 

He was basically the best friend anyone could ever wish for, both a friend and a brother, always there for me, always understanding, easygoing and kind. I’m not sure if my younger self already accepted the deeper kind of feelings I must have developed for him, I don’t remember that. It must be, because almost every moment I can remember with Kuroo is paired with not only strong feelings of friendship but also feelings of love and admiration. 

It wasn't just me who felt like Kuroo was part of the family, both my parents were starting to really like Kuroo, and some kids at school even asked whether he was my older brother. I liked that. We did look a bit alike, both dark-haired, and Kuroo being a year older could explain the difference in height. Then there was the fact that we always ate our lunches together, which I should add were made by one mother each day, like she’d make one for both of us, and they’d switch it up each week. We walked the same way home, since our houses were so close together.

We had sleepovers, went to the zoo and aquariums together, we went to museums, grandparents, we even went on vacations together, with the six of us (our parents actually got along great). 

Kuroo went to 4th grade, I went to 3rd grade, and nothing changed! I was afraid that new classmates might come and steal him away from me, but he’d still be waiting for me at our lunch spot. We’d still walk home together, still have sleepovers and play videogames, I would still help him with his homework. He’d look up volleyball matches I should definitely watch, he’d hold my hand whenever we had to cross a road. I turned 9 and we baked a cake (chocolate) in the form of a cat. Kuroo turned 10 and GOT A CAT! Being the little kids we were we called him ‘Mister Muffin’. Kuroo's parents helped us take care of us, but they also insisted we did the most we could do for him. That meant playing, keeping his food and water bowls filled, and cleaning out his litter box whenever he left us something there. Mister Muffin was adopted from the nearby animal clinic, after his owner had left him there. Since Kuroo's parents knew the owner, and the owner knew that they might be giving Kuroo a cat for his birthday, he had decided to keep the cat until Kuroo's birthday instead of putting him to sleep. We didn't know that the. For us the cat was like a little baby brother, except the fact that he was hairier, way faster than a baby and also had a lot of sharp teeth and claws. 

Mister Muffin was a Kurilian bobtail, black, but with some lighter grey paws and spots. Even though he hadn't grown up with us he took a quick liking to us. He’d be waiting for us whenever we got home from school, or he’d be asleep on Kuroo's bed if he wasn't waiting for us at the door. 

With new year we went to the shrine with both our families and afterwards to a festival hosted in our neighbourhood. We watched some people catching fish but our parents decided that one pet was enough for now, so we just stood there and watched. Both Kuroo and myself were okay with that though, we loved Mister Muffin dearly and you can’t play with a fish. 

So honestly we were having a great time! I was happy, and couldn't imagine life without Kuroo. Of course, it’s moments where you think things like this which you’ll regret later on. ‘What if I had not thought about life without Kuroo,’ I would think ‘He might still be here for me.’ 

I know now of course that it was not my thinking that made things go like they did. It wasn't even my fault. It was just a thing we both had to go through, really, and I’m glad we did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes sorry still more introduction and still not all the good stuff the summary promises. Please do leave comments, they motivate me a lot!


	3. Present I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First present chapter!  
> Upload is a day early! (Or 6 days late, depends how you look at it)  
> Like I said in the comments, I might not be able to make this a weekly thing.

Right so we have to skip about a year, nothing really happened, I’m sure you just want me to continue with what I mentioned last time. I’m trying to remember what exactly happened, but it’s been a while. I might go and ask Kuroo when he’s back, I expect him to get home in a few minutes. Or I might ask Shouyou, he’ll know at least my side of the story. 

I haven’t really explained me telling the story, right? Well, Kuroo says that it’ll good for me, to try and remember everything. He says that depression can be a bitch like that, making you forget stuff. He says it’s like a reverse diary of some sorts, looking back at everything. He’ll help me out whenever I can’t remember something, or he makes me ask Shouyou or Yaku. 

Kuroo says it’s something Oikawa has to do as well. Iwaizumi’s mom supposedly forced them to recollect their thoughts after their depression. Iwaizumi’s mom is a therapist of some sorts, so it’s not just mom knows best, she _literally_ knows best.. At least we all trust her, and Kuroo discussed it with her and she said that it couldn't do any harm if I kept a reverse diary as well.

But right now I’m having a hard time remembering what happened, what made me and Kuroo grow apart for almost a whole year, and it’s not that I _want_ to remember, I _have to_. Let me grab my phone.

New message to ‘’HinatACE THEBESTEVER’’  
Me:  
 _\- Shou do you remember in first grade when it went bad between me and Kuro?_

New message to ‘’Kuro <3’’  
Me:  
 _\- Yo yo K when will u be home? :*_

I expect Shouyou to message back quite soon, he’s always with his phone anyways. Kuroo might still be at school, or maybe at work, I’m not too sure. I should know that probably. It’s just that he told me his schedule changed while we were occupied with… other things… 

Okay my phone just went off and I’m guessing that’s Shouyou.

(2) new message(s)  
HinatACE THEBESTEVER:  
 _\- yooooooooo K yes that was like first grade right?? i think?? like i first asked you out in june i think and u were like ‘’noooooo >:/’’ then it was break and then i asked you out in november and u were like ‘’u know what, sure :)’’ and i was like ‘’woooooh really? :ooo’’ and well then we went out_

_\- I changed my name in ur phone did u notice? ^__^_

Me:  
 _\- Thanks, I thought as much but I couldn’t really remember._

_\- Yes I noticed. I kept it like that. What is my name in your phone? Just a combination of sounds or do I actually have a name?_

HinatACE THEBESTEVER:  
 _\- Aren’t all names just combinations of sounds K?_

Me:  
 _\- …_

HinatACE THEBESTEVER:  
 _\- You’re Kenma ‘’the brain’’ Kitty btw :3_

Me:  
 _\- …_

HinatACE THEBESTEVER:  
 _\- Kags is wondering why im laughing and when i told him he asked if ur pouting/frowning so r u? >:3_

Me:  
 _\- Nah you got me fair and square, no pouts here. And don’t bother asking Kuro because he’s not home yet so ha_

HinatACE THEBESTEVER:  
 _\- So ur pouting, got it! xD_

_\- gonna cook so ttyl bye K :*_

Me:  
 _\- I pray for Tobio… Bye :*_

 

To be fair, texting with Shou always manages to make me smile. While it’s nothing like actually talking with him, he still manages to be so _him_. 

Checking my phone one last time, I notice Kuroo hasn’t read his message yet. So he’s probably at work. There’s a vague memory of him saying that he now had to work or go to his internship, but that memory is paired with a feeling of bliss and images of Kuroo, hair wet with sweat, little beads of sweat on his chest, my legs over his shoulders and his hand doing some kind of magic and-

Okay, deep breath. Kittens. Cold showers. Food. 

I walk to the fridge to grab some things for dinner. I went for groceries today so we’re stacked. I’m not sure what I’m gonna make yet. Probably- what day is it again? Monday? Probably Gyudon. I like Gyudon because it sounds like something Shou would cry out if he got teased enough. In fact I’m pretty sure Kuroo got him to say it once. 

My phone buzzes at the same time I hear a key open the door. Checking my phone it confirms my suspicions:

(1) new message(s)  
Kuro <3 :  
 _\- I’m home ^__^_

At the same time I hear Kuroo's voice in the hallway:

‘’Yoo, I’m home K.’’

‘’Hey! I’m making Gyudon.’’

‘’Gyudon? Didn't you get Hinata to say that during sex?’’

‘’I thought you did. Doesn't matter. How was- wherever you were?’’

‘’Internship. Good.’’ Kuroo walks into our living room/kitchen. ‘’I thought I told you about my schedule?’’

I turn to frown at him. ‘’Yeah, you did, but that wasn't the only thing you were doing, so excuse me for not remembering.’’

His stupid smirk shows me that he knew that would happen. That stupid, stupid smirk. I love that smirk.

I turn back to the fridge but see my phone light up, indicating that I have a new message. Picking it up it shows not one, but

(8) new message(s)  
HinatACE THEBESTEVER:

_\- hELP I PUT TOO MUCH RICE IN THE THING xO_

_\- KENMA THERES A LOT OF RICE >x(_

_\- One new picture message_

_\- HOW DO I GET THE RICE AWAY BEFORE KAGS SEES IT :(((((_

_\- KENMA Y U NO REPLY :(((((_

_\- KENMA SERIOUSLY I AM PANICKING!!!????_

_\- too late he has seen the rice :(_

_\- god bless kageyama tobio ‘Ah, you’ve cooked a lot, that’s great, I was very hungry’ orz_

 

I click to open the picture message. It shows a panicking Hinata next to a cooking pot that is more than halfway filled with cooked rice, enough for at least 6 people. 

‘’Kuroo, what do you say about giving Shouyou one of those electric rice cookers for his birthday? The one that displays how much rice you need for the correct amount of people?’’

Kuroo leans his chin on my shoulder while his hands circle around me to hug me from behind. 

‘’Sure, although I don’t doubt that he’ll find a way to mess it up either way.’’

‘’Yeah, but I think Kageyama will appreciate it. He, too, struggles with the rice sometimes. I’m fairly certain we both have gotten a fair amount of messages to prove that.’’

Kuroo grabs his phone to look for a picture. He shows me the one I was thinking about as well: a picture taken by Hinata of a sobbing Kageyama sitting in a puddle of water with rice after he had put so much rice in the pot that it overcooked and almost flooded their little kitchen. 

‘’But then again,’’ Kuroo murmurs in my ear, ‘’you, too, have had some accidents.’’

I try to twist myself in his arms so I can look at him, but he keeps me tight in my place. 

‘’Not that I mind, you know I love almost everything you make.’’

‘’Just no more whipped cream on bodies, I get it.’’

My quasi-sad remark is met by Kuroo’s laughter. In all fairness, who could have foreseen a scenario in which I tied myself to the bed with whipped cream in a trail down my naked body, only to end up unable to get loose when the neighbours cat came in through the window and started lapping at the cream.

A scenario in which I tie myself to the bed? No problem! A scenario in which I have a whipped cream trail down my naked body? Happened more than once. We've also had the cat over sometimes, just never when we were doing… other things. It’s just… the combination has never happened before. We also made sure it never happened again. Kuroo found it hilarious. Me, tied up, smeared whipped cream over my chest and in my lap and a pool of it on the ground, my cat ears and tail on. He says he deleted the pictures but I don’t believe him. Especially since Oikawa was able to draw me in almost the exact position I was in, while Kuroo swears he didn't _tell_ them.

‘’I got stuck with the diary today.’’

‘’Did you ask someone for help?’’

‘’Yeah, I asked Shou. I think I’m gonna meet up with him once these days. Get some drinks, maybe invite him for dinner..’’ 

‘’That sounds good! You wanna ask Kageyama over too? Or make it a _special_ night?’’ 

‘’I’m not too sure, we’ll see. Let’s finish preparing dinner for now, if you’re not too tired?’’

Kuroo fakes taking a deep breath. ‘’Fiiiiine, if you’ll blow me tonight?’’

Two can play that game. ‘’Fiiiiine.’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought! Was it too confusing? I'm not too sure about this style of writing and the story itself so yeah all comments are appreciated!


	4. Present II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Porn chapter? Porn chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't actually really know how to write porn, so sorry if this was garbage.  
> About the 'possible eating disorder tw' tag, Kenma says to have trouble with having fingers near/in his mouth. I'm not too sure if this is triggering for people, you are thus warned.

_"Trade all your accomplishments for a bit of prestige. Other players will see your new prestige rank in the lobby, leaderboards and game."_

I press x.

_"Prestige has a price: Everything you've unlocked including weapons, experience and challenges will be reset; you'll have to rank up again to reacquire them. Only your leader board rankings, clan tag, and playlists will be unaffected."_

Again, x.

_"There's no going back..."_

I confirm one last time. 

_Congratulations. Prestige 14- level 1._

I select the SAC-3 dual-wield SMG’s as my unlock and continue to make my classes.

‘’How many days has it been K?’’ Kuroo asks me.

‘’Almost four in-game, and I think about 15?’’

Kuroo whistles. ‘’Impressive.’’

‘’Not really, I’m far from being one of the first. People are already prestige master and everything. The trick is to do a lot of challenges.’’ I turn around in my chair to face him. ‘’What time is it anyways?’’ 

Kuroo pointedly stares at the clock hanging over my desk. I put my hands in the pockets of his jeans (black and tight and doing wonders for his ass) and pull him closer. ‘’I mean, is it time for, you know...’’

‘’Kenma, you’re an adult, you can say the word ‘sex.’ ‘’

‘’Nuh-uh, it’s a dirty word.’’

‘’How about ‘fuck?’ Because I heard you say it quite a lot just a few minutes ago.’’

I feel my cheeks heat. Damn those Bal-27 and ASM1 users. Damn them all to heck.  
‘’You uh- you weren’t supposed to hear that.’’  
‘’Why not? What’s so bad about swearing?’’

‘’It’s supposedly unattractive.’’

‘’It’s supposedly- Have you been on those weird web forums again?’’

‘’Maybe and they aren’t that weird, it’s a great place for like-minded people to share experiences and information.’’ I’m looking everywhere but at Kuroo’s face, my hands plucking at his shirt. 

‘’Yes but you’re not some lovestruck teenager trying to win over their crush, you’re an adult, in multiple forms of relationships, why would you look things like swearing up? You know that I swear all the time, and Shouyou swears as well, I think, at least the sounds he sometimes make don’t sound nice.’’

I find that my feet are very interesting things to look at, stuck in two different socks because I couldn’t be bothered with doing The Quest For Matching Socks. In a way they are matching, the left one black with white cats and the right one black with whiskers, so if anyone were to ask I’d tell them they’re supposed to be worn together, but I doubt anyone will actually ask. 

I take a deep breath and gather all my strength and pray to the Norse gods for bravery in battle. ‘’Tetsurou will you please let me suck your dick? And after that can you fuck me with your big dick? Can you please take your big dick and put it in my tiny assho- umph.’’

I get interrupted by Kuroo slapping his hand over my mouth. He looks almost as red as I imagine myself to be, but I have taken the first step and instead of an easy walk, I tripped and now I’m falling down a mountain. Please Odin give me the strength I need to continue. 

I move his hand away from my mouth but take his middle finger in my mouth. I start to slowly suck on it, moving my tongue around it as if it were another large thing which is currently still kept in his pants. 

Seeing the shade Kuroo's ears turn almost makes me laugh, but that would ruin the moment so I slip another one of his fingers in my mouth. 

Kuroo's fingers are long and thin, so while they're not hurting my mouth too much, I have to watch out not to gag on them. Usually I can fit quite a lot in my mouth, but something about fingers near my mouth gives me chills.

Kuroo's eyes are shut and he's practically drooling and I catch his hand that isn't currently being sucked off, palming his erection through his jeans. 

I'm thinking about moving to Norway to personally go thank the gods for all the strength they're giving me.

I replace the hand that Kuroo is using to rub through his pants with one of my own, feeling the outline of his dick, kneading it a bit because his jeans are too tight for me to really do anything other than that. Still, Kuroo's moans indicate that what I am doing is already feeling quite good. 

I send a quick prayer to Freyja, hoping that being the goddess of love and fertility means that she can help me keep calm around dick.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't the first time I have had sex, not at all. I know my way around someone's lower levels, but there's two things different this time.

1\. I'm initiating it and I am very much not experienced doing that, so I need all the strength I can, because I really want Kuroo to like it.

2\. We usually keep things very calm and vanilla, and I say usually because the threesomes with Shouyou definitely don't count as calm, and well what I have planned is not as vanilla as usual. So please Freyja if you're listening...

Either Freyja's blessing or placebo fills my head with certainty and a feeling of control. I am initiating. I am in control. I move my hands to undo the button and zipper of Kuroo's pants, and let them fall down to the floor.

I am in control and thus Kuroo will have to move at my pace. I let his fingers slide out of my mouth and move my chair closer towards him, using his butt to pull myself closer.

I push my nose against his shirt, which gets him to remove it. I have trained him well. His nice, hard abs are there for my mouth to touch, as I plant a trail of sloppy kisses down to the edge of his boxers.

His boxers actually have a cat on them, which makes me chuckle and gets a goofy smile to form on Kuroo's lips. His lips however open again in a moan as I again move my mouth to his boxers and take the head of his dick in mouth. The wetness of my mouth is met by soft fabric with a wet spot near the tip of his dick. 

I have one hand massaging Kuroo's ass, one cupping the base of his dick and my mouth planting kisses on it through the fabric of his underwear. 

Kuroo's whispers of 'Fuck' and the soft sounds he makes fill me with confidence and I finally tug his boxers down. His dick stands tall at about 17 centimeters (that’s about 6.7 inches for those of you not fortunate enough to have been brought up with the metric system) and I can fit most of it in my mouth, which I promptly demonstrate to Kuroo. 

Nuzzling the base of his dick I let both of my hands explore Kuroo’s ass, squeezing it and feeling the goosebumps start to appear. I don’t think Kuroo has ever had anything done to his ass, apart from what he might have done to himself. And while making him bottom for me is not something I’m planning to do, I do have some plans with his ass.

Kuroo’s hands are on my head, keeping it in place around his dick, but they don’t hold me back when I move my head backwards. ‘’Okay, uh, could you maybe get on the bed for me?’’ I ask him.

‘’You’re asking me?’’

‘’N-no, I’m, uh, giving you an order.’’ At the last second I manage to keep it from coming out like a question.

‘’Oh, and what right do you have to give me, your captain, an order?’’ Kuroo smirks at me. I grab his balls and start squeezing. 

‘’Get on the bed. Now.’’

I’m not sure if he will do it but then he surprises me. He averts his eyes and whispers,

‘’I guess it’s only fair that since you once served for me, I will now serve you.’’

I manage to keep my mouth from falling open and to keep going with the thing we have going on. I never knew Kuroo could be anything other than defying. I give his ass a slap when he walks away from me to the bed. ‘’Get on your hands and knees for me.’’

Kuroo does exactly as I told him and positions his legs a fair bit apart. I wet my lips, both for what I am going to do next and because I’m a bit nervous. I’m not sure how Kuroo will react and if I even know what I have to do.

Then I realize how it might be for Kuroo, who has put all his trust in me. He’s not looking back to me, he is still on his hands and knees, looking straight ahead of him, eyes slightly closed and lips wet and red where he has probably bit them to keep himself from moaning. 

Apparently both me and Kuroo feel safe in our bedroom. I take a deep breath and walk over to the bed. The duvet with cats and volleyballs on them (a gift from Shouyou and Kageyama) seems childish and out of place, but it’s soft and comforting, or at least comforting for me.

I climb on the bed and position myself behind Kuroo. I send a quick prayer to Magni for strength and put my hands on Kuroo’s ass. Kuroo shudders a bit under my touch but gives nothing else away. 

Spreading his cheeks I decide to just go for it. I lean forward and touch his asshole with my tongue. Another shudder and a soft moan. Courage fills me, and I give his hole another lick, and another, lapping at it like a cat at a bowl of milk.

It seems like as per usual there was no reason for me to be afraid. Kuroo’s sounds like he’s enjoying it, and it isn’t nasty or anything since both Kuroo and I shave that area and keep it fresh and clean. 

Getting more confident with the second I move my right hand from Kuroo’s ass, between his legs, to his dick and start to slowly jerk him off. My left hand is keeping his asscheeks spread to give my mouth the space it needs, licking and kissing his asshole and the area around it.

Coming up for air I switch my tongue out for my finger, making sure it’s wet enough before slowly pushing it up Kuroo’s asshole. I try to alternate the things I’m doing to him, jerking down on his dick when I pull my finger out of him and moving my hand back up when I push my finger in again. 

Kuroo has moved one of his feet between my legs and is rubbing it over my erection, and suddenly I’m glad that I always game without wearing pants. I’m also glad that the sleeves of my sweater haven’t come down yet because I don’t see how I could push them up again. 

‘’Mmmm, Kenma, I’m close.’’

‘’O-Oh. But you won’t come before I say you can, right?’’

Kuroo’s question of whether I’m asking or telling him gets interrupted when I touch a particular spot.

‘’No, I’m telling you not to come before I say you can.’’

Some incoherent noises and a nod and a push against my crotch seem to be Kuroo’s way of saying he understands. I pick up the pace with both my hands and move myself on my back so I can get my head between his legs and my mouth sucking on his balls. 

‘’K-Kenmaaahhhh I’m s-so close!’’

‘’Just a little longer Tetsurou.’’

I wiggle my way up between his legs and give him the okay to come, before taking his dick in my mouth. I move the hand that was on his dick to that spot between his balls and his asshole, while still using my other hand to finger his hole. 

Kuroo starts pushing his dick in my mouth, picking up speed fast, and then with some of the loudest moans I’ve ever heard of him, he shoots his load in my mouth.

‘’Wow.’’

Swallowing his load I look up to him, seeing him look down to me with a shaky smile on his face, with sweat dripping from his forehead. 

‘’Did you like it?’’

‘’Yeah, yeah I did. I was kinda surprised though. I didn’t know you could be this assertive.’’

I decide not to comment on that. We both know I’m usually not that assertive.

‘’Want me to finish you off?’’

‘’Maybe tomorrow… morning… I’m pretty sleepy right now.’’

‘’Okay but before you decide to cuddle up to me let’s brush our teeth okay?’’

‘’Yeah, you go ahead, I’ll be there in a minute.’’

Kuroo gets a fresh pair of boxers and walks to the adjourning bathroom. I take a few breaths and recollect everything that happened. 

It was actually good fun. I’m pretty sure Kuroo liked it as well, changing it up like this. Who knows, we might actually start to explore sex things a bit more. The thought doesn’t fill me with fear, which is a good sign.

Maybe I’m actually ready to move on with my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo if you're reading this, I'd like to thank everyone who commented/leftt kudoo's and well everyone who read this! More than a 1000 hits! Wow! Amazing! I'm actually flabbergasted! Please keep the support up!


	5. Past II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kenma transforms from a angsty mess to a fluffy mess. Sort of. Just read it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi here's a short chapter to let you know this is still being updated.  
> Quick reminder that for the past chapters you are reading Kenma looking back at his life, so no it isn't me writing poorly, it is Kenma speaking to you. Yeah, that's uh totally what's going on.
> 
> \- I changed the chapter titles because I had messed those up oops  
> \- Kuroo found this cool trick online and grew his penis by 3 cm (14cm to 17cm) (because yeah 14 centimeter is about average in Japan but lets be honest we like our donger longer.)

Something had changed between Kuroo and myself. Looking back at it I would probably say that it was a combination of puberty and the changes that happen to you when you go to high school. Kuroo went a year sooner to high school, as expected, and our relationship slowly changed during that time. 

Kuroo, being as charismatic as he was, and still is, got a lot of new friends. Some were in his grade, while others were from the high school volleyball team. Yes, we still hung out, but it became gradually less as he had to go to volleyball practices or do projects with classmates. 

We still did our homework together, or at least we often did so, and we still practiced volleyball together, but we didn’t randomly hang out as much as we used to. The days of going over to eachothers places every day after school were over. 

I would love to tell you, reader, about my life spiralling down when I started seeing Kuroo less and less. I would love to remember how I felt as bad things piled up and I started to lose the things I loved the most around me. 

My parents died in a car crash when I was 15. 

My mom went to pick my dad up from work one day and their car collided with an oncoming one, sending both off the side of the road down a cliff. The driver of the other car had been a man in his late thirties, probably on his way home. It had rained the night before and the roads were still slippery. There was nobody to blame but of course that didn’t mean anything to me back then.

I wanted to be angry, but I couldn’t.

I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t.

I wanted to be with Kuroo, but I couldn’t.

I was empty and alone.  
I cried a lot. I barely ate. My grandpa, who came to live with me, didn’t know what to do. He had lost his son and was grieving as well. I eventually had to be hospitalized because I had lost a lot of weight and wasn’t mentally stable. Family came to visit me there, which was both nice because it was a distraction and painful because it was also reminding me why I was there in the first place.

Kuroo came to visit many, many times. He skipped volleyball practice to come over. He almost skipped school to come over, but his parents wouldn’t let him. At first I pretended to be asleep and he pretended he didn’t notice. 

I soon realized however that he would keep coming back. I also realized that I really, really missed him. Kuroo was there for me again, when I needed him. He was there and I loved him for that.

Wait, what.

I mean…

Did i LOVE him?

In a, like, lovey-dovey way?

Well let’s see.

Was he there for me when I needed him? Most of the time, yes.

Was he always nice to me? Yes he was and always had been.

Was he genuinely a nice human being? Well he loved to joke around from time to time but he was always smiling at little kids and complete strangers so yeah, I think he actually is.

Did I find him physically attractive? Well I mean _I guess_ he had a pretty nice body and amazing hair and he looked so strong and safe and able to protect me and oh my god.

I am in love with Kuroo Tetsurou...

Oh my god.

Oh.

My.

God.

WELL that’s certainly a revelation- or like it seemed that way for 15 year old me. Looking back I think I had started slowly falling in love with him ever since I knew him. He was like an older brother and best friend in one. Then a combination of puberty and a harsh training regime happened and his body started to strengthen and his muscles became more defined.

What do you get when you combine a nice laugh, very touchable hair, charisma and jokes with a lot of training? Kuroo Tetsurou. My crush. My light. A boy who while I was in the hospital sometimes rolled up in a chair next to my bed to sleep.

(That’s when I found out Kuroo really likes to get his hair touched. Like, a lot. I might have done so once or twice or ten times while he was sleeping or falling asleep and like a cat he’d push his head up to my hand whenever I started to pull away.)

16 year old Kuroo had the power to change me from a sobbing mess to a gooey mess. 

I mean let’s be honest, I was still a mess. I was still about 4 kilos short of my ideal weight, which was bad because I had also grown about 2 centimeters. My body needed nutrition and I was not getting enough of it. I had trouble eating, trouble sleeping, because the hospital was a constant reminder of my pain and living at home would probably worse.

Kuroo’s mom came with a solution. A plan from Walhalla. A scheming scheme made up by Loki the Trickster himself (okay it wasn’t exactly a scheme). I was going to live with them. Live with Kuroo. Live in the same house as Kuroo. Eat together with Kuroo. And next year I would go to the same high school (nekoma high) as Kuroo. 

God bless mama Kuroo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I'm still alive and still writing this story. A lot of things have happened in my personal life which made it so that I didn't really have time to write, but I'm slowly getting back out there/here.  
> Cool.
> 
> A serious note, like I said in the beginning, it's Kenma looking back at everything. So all the seemingly strange words for writing such as 'like' and 'uh' and things like that are there because that is how I imagine Kenma would talk if he were to tell the story.
> 
> Uh yeah also who's excited for Kenma and Kuroo living together for the first time (because well this is a past chapter and yes they are currently (in the present) living together but chronologically speaking this will be the first time)??


	6. Kuroo I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo POV? Kuroo POV!
> 
> (Past) Kuroo is a stupid teenage boy who is trying to find love elsewhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cyndaquil is the best Johto starter you can fight me if you think otherwise.
> 
> Also as you might have noticed in the first chapter, I chose to change õ to ou. So Tetsurõ becomes Tetsurou, Fukurõdani becomes Fukuroudani, Kõtarõ becomes Koutarou etc.

Is it wrong to be attracted to someone who is basically a younger brother to you? It certainly is confusing. And what do teenage boys do when they are confused?

Stupid things. They do incredibly stupid things. Like running away from their feelings, making bad decisions, things you might regret later or at least look back on and think ‘’Hmm that might not have been the best course of action to take.’’

Kuroo was, above everything else, a teenage boy. A normal teenage boy with teenage problems and a teenage brain in a teenage body. Kuroo had always something on his mind, current things being how to explain to his history teacher that he misread renaissance as reconnaissance and thus wrote a paper on espionage in Europe instead of a paper on Italian artists of the 15th century. 

Then there was another thing on his mind. Well, not really a thing, since they were a person. A person named Kenma who lived together with Kuroo and his parents. A person who was like a little brother to Kuroo but who also was kind of attractive? It was hard to explain, even to himself. 

He was incredibly smart, witty with a deadpan kind of humor, and truth be told he was kind of cute. At least that much was clear for Kuroo. The problem was that Kenma didn’t seem to be interested in him in the least. Kenma wasn’t interested in anybody it seemed, only in his videogames and getting good grades at school. 

Kuroo had become certain of his attraction to Kenma after a lot of hours spent in a hospital room together. Kenma had been vulnerable and open and affectionate. They had talked and just spent time together. They had both started new pokémon games, Kenma on Gold and Kuroo on Silver. They named the rival after the other and traded and battled with each other. 

Kenma had picked Cyndaquil seeing as how he evolved the fastest, was a pure fire type and had the best movesets later. Kuroo had picked Totodile because that meant his starter would be good against Kenma’s, and also because he could relate to Totodile’s spikes.

Kuroo had a natural bedhead, yet he still took quite some time each morning to make sure it didn’t look _too_ much as if he didn’t spend any time on it.. He wouldn’t really call himself vain or conceited, but knew that appearance was important at school. It was something he had learned in junior high and which still proved to be true.

Being popular was an art, and Kuroo was an amazing performer. He was currently in his second year of high school but was probably one of the most well-known people in the whole school. 

Although Kuroo mingled with a lot of different people and groups at school, he wasn’t a real part of any. So while he had a lot of acquaintances or even friends, he wouldn’t say that he had a lot of close friends. He only had Kenma.

And Kenma only had Kuroo.

And Kuroo, being the idiotic teenage boy that he was, didn’t recognize Kenma’s attraction to him. And Kenma, being the introverted, shy, idiotic teenage boy _he_ was, didn’t notice that Kuroo liked him back.

It might have been frustration, it might have been accepting his loss, but Kuroo began to look at other guys, thinking he could never get Kenma because Kenma just saw him as a brother or close friend. 

He could have picked anyone from the band of admirers he had, a group of people drawn to him by his charisma and made up of a lot of different individuals. However Kuroo didn’t want an admirer, he wanted a partner, a friend, an equal. 

Deciding to look for someone with shared interests, he started to look at the volleyball players from other schools not just as opponents but as possible friends (or more than friends). He quickly formed a bond with Koutarou Bokuto. 

Bokuto was a wing spiker from Fukuroudani Academy and initially one of Kuroo’s rivals because of his position as middle blocker. His spikes were incredibly powerful and Kuroo and his team struggled to block them. 

Kuroo didn’t remember playing him in his first year, which was weird because Bokuto wasn’t exactly someone you miss easily. Bokuto was a few centimeters shorter than Kuroo but didn’t look like it because of his hair, which was always spiked up giving him at least four extra centimeters. 

Kuroo thought Bokuto was a hyperactive toddler and Bokuto thought that Kuroo was a grumpy grandma so naturally they became close friends. They shared a style of humor and both kind of had feelings for their setters, something they both confessed after a confused kiss behind the gym. 

They were both exhausted after training far longer than the others, something they were both used to. Clothes stained with sweat they fell against each other underneath the net, after yet another successfully blocked spike (the count was 112 successful spikes and 121 successful blocks). 

Throughout their little match both had remained cheerful, something they both admired about the other. They respected the other’s abilities. And they ‘’respected’’ the other’s body. So it wasn’t a surprise when being slumped against each other became an arm wrapped around a shoulder, which became heads leaning on shoulders and then Bokuto with a hesitant, almost shy smile on his face placed his hands on Kuroo’s cheeks and pulled him forward, softly pushing his lips against Kuroo’s. 

‘’That….’’ Bokuto jerked away, ‘’I didn’t mean to- I mean I- I _did_ , but you know...’’

‘’Koutarou, it’s fine.’’ Kuroo softly punched Bokuto’s shoulder. ‘’But I do want to be honest with you right now. It didn’t really do anything for me. It was nice but not butterflies nice.’’ 

‘’Thank GOD!’’ Bokuto cracked his trademark smile at Kuroo. ‘’I was already thinking about how to tell you that I didn’t feel anything kissing you and how to make it less awkward but I’m actually glad that it felt the same for you.’’

‘’So, just friends?’’

‘’Yeah!’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ''Please remember to like the video, comment the video and subscribe to see videos like this.'' - Cr1TiKaL


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